The Ultimate Betrayal
by tirocno
Summary: The Doctor awakens one morning to find that Rose has disappeared. Where has she gone, will Jack ever leave him alone, and, most importantly, who has his lucky banana! A stupid story, rated T purely because of Jack and the fact that I am uber-cautious.
1. It Begins!

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Doctor Who or any of it's characters, I probably wouldn't be writing this, would I?

* * *

Rose hadn't been sleeping that night. She was too nervous to sleep. So when the Doctor had awoken with a start she hadn't even blinked. He wasn't truly awake when she asked him what was wrong.

'Pears...' he mumbled, his eyes closing slowly as he drifted back off to sleep, still anxious. 'They're going to kill me...'

'Erm...don't let 'em get you, yeah? The...I've got an army of bananas waiting and we'll be there in a sec.' she replied, in an awkwardly improvised attempt at comfort.

The Doctor nodded and fell back to sleep. Rose looked at him for a moment, wondering if she should go ahead with the plan. She bit her lip worriedly - and then shook her head and made ready to leave. The Doctor wasn't going to be happy with her once he found out what she was doing...but that wasn't important yet. She would sort that out later, but right now, the plan was all that mattered.

**-o0o-**

The following morning, the Doctor awoke with a dopey smile plastered across his face. He had dreamt that, just as the pears were about to tie him to the stake, Rose had appeared with hundreds of bananas and turned the pears into a spiced dessert, which they gave to K9. He rolled over and opened his eyes -

- and Rose wasn't there. He called her name but there was no reply. He jumped out of bed and ran into the console room, still crying Rose's name. She was nowhere to be seen.

He then realised that he had no other option.

'JACK!' he shouted, and braced himself. This wasn't going to be easy.

Jack appeared a few minutes later, already dressed. He began to say, 'What's up?', but never finished his sentence, as he took in the sight of the Doctor and his eyes widened.

'Jack,' the Doctor warned.

'Stripey pyjamas?!' Jack questioned.

'Yeah, now Jack, there's a problem-'

'You wear _pyjamas_?'

'Yes, Jack, sorry to disappoint you, but there's a-'

'But you look so CUTE!' Jack cried, and pulled the Doctor into a bear hug.

'Jack, there's really no time for you to be marvelling at my pyjamas!' the Doctor shouted, his voice muffled by Jack's overcoat. 'We have a MASSIVE problem!' He finally managed to yank himself free of Jack's grasp, and glared at Jack. Jack looked slightly offended, but then gathered himself and concentrated on the task at hand. 'So what's going on?'

The Doctor paused before answering, intending to make the situation slightly more dramatic. 'Rose has gone.'

'Well, where did she go?'

'I don't know, do I? That's why I called you. I need your help.'

Jack smirked. 'Any time...'

'JACK!'

'Yeah, sorry. What do you need me to do?'

'I need you to search the TARDIS for any clues as to where she's gone. I'll make the TARDIS do a scan for all life forms onboard, just so we know she hasn't gone and gotten herself lost again. Or aliens have captured her.'

Jack saluted the Doctor and dashed out of the room.

**-o0o-**

'Okay, I'm here, you can, er, turn the lights on now!' Rose said, trying to hide her nerves.

'Oh dear.' a voice said in false sympathy. 'Is little Rosey Posey afraid of the dark?'

'Scared of the dark, are you serious?' Rose replied. 'You're talking to the Bad Wolf, here.'

The lights flickered on with one of those tremendous thuds that one hears on movies. Rose looked up to find her boss sitting on what looked like a throne. 'Did you bring the object?'

'Yep, it's, er...it's right here.' Rose drew the object out of her backpack, and Rose's boss stared, awe-struck, as it shone with a brilliant golden light.


	2. The Note

'Doctor!' Jack called from the Doctor's room.

'What?'

'I've found something!'

The Doctor strode in, and sat down on the edge of his bed.

'You might wanna see this...' Jack said, and handed him a scrap of paper. The Doctor took it from him and began to read what was on the paper, Jack leaning in to do the same.

'Dear-' he began, and then sniffed. 'Jack, have you got perfume on?'

Jack nodded and grinned sheepishly. The Doctor began again. 'Dear-hang on, that's _Rose's _perfume!'

Jack looked guilty. 'Look, I always liked that smell!' he said quickly. Then he smiled. 'It's darn sweet that you remember what she smells like.' Jack elbowed him.

The Doctor looked defensive. 'It-I don't, she...' He cleared his throat and began to read for the third time.

'Dear Doctor,' he said.

"_Dear Doctor,_

_I stole your lucky banana. Sorry._

_Rose x_

_P.S: Can't tell you where I am, either. Sorry. Again."_

The Doctor looked thunderous.

'Okay, Doctor, don't get worked up about it, it's just a banana-'

'HOW could she DO this to me?!'

'Hey, we'll find her, it'll be okay, I'm sure she'll give it back to you!' Jack said hastily, and then added, 'Anyway, it's just a banana-'

'But it's brilliant!' the Doctor wailed, his mood abruptly changing from anger to despair. 'It isn't just a banana, Jack, it's all golden and shiny and it's my lucky one!' The Doctor was sounding more and more like a small child. Jack awkwardly patted him on the shoulder as the Doctor took a shuddering breath, and burst into tears.

**-o0o-**

'So...what are you gonna do with it?' Rose asked. Her boss had been gawping at the banana for about fifteen minutes now, it was ridiculous. But now he looked up, a dark smile on his face.

'I am going to extract all of the natural goodies from it, and mix them with my very own formula to create the most powerful weapon in the entire universe, which I will then use to blow the Doctor to smithereens!' Rose's boss cried triumphantly. He then noticed her look of shock and worry and quickly said, 'I mean, blow the _Daleks _to smithereens!' Rose sighed in relief. No way did she want her Doctor getting hurt. Which reminded her...

'God, I better tell 'im where I am, or go back! Oh, God, he'll be worried sick!' She started to leave, but her boss grabbed her arm and said,

'No, stay here! He won't be very pleased with you if you go back now, will he? After all, you did leave him that note...'

'But I should still go, I can apologize!'

'Do you really think he'll fogive you? Do you really think that he cares about you that much?'

'Yeah...' Rose looked confused. Her boss' face screwed up in frustration.

'Dammit!' he muttered. 'I haven't shown you the tape yet, have I?'

'What tape?'

Rose's boss sighed and pressed the play button on the remote. A screen on the far wall of the room came on, and what was on it was something she really didn't want to see.

**-o0o-**

'What ya doing?' Jack queried as he walked into the control room. The Doctor, now dressed in a blue suit and red trainers, was busy at the central control hub.

'I'm going to call her!' he replied, and grinned.

'Why didn't you do that before?'

The Doctor's smile faded, and his exspression turned to that of confusion. 'I don't know...' He scratched the back of his neck.

'Is it 'cause you were going a bit...bananas?' Jack shot at him, smirking.

'Stop it. It's not funny, you know!' The Doctor looked at Jack, annoyed.

'Okay, sorry!' Jack held his hands up. The Doctor began to work again, prodding buttons and sonicking the phone in his hand.

'Hey Doc,' Jack said. The Doctor looked up, clearly not wanting to be interrupted.

'What now?'

'Are you gonna call her on your _bananaphone_?' he said.

'Jack! If you're not going to help, go away!'

'Okay, okay! Hey...do we have any pears? I'm starving!'

The Doctor stared at him, his exspression grave. 'What?' Jack asked, bewildered. The Doctor didn't reply.

* * *

**A/N: **Have you guessed who Rose's boss is yet? :) And apologies for this rubbish. But it has been begging to be written. Which reminds me...Chapter Three!! :D


	3. Phone Call

**A/N: **Shouldn't really be posting right now, it's a school day *rolls eyes*, but I digress. This chapter's a bit longer than it's predecessors, was a bit hastily written just because I was so desperate to get it up, and includes a special guest character (not of my own creation, however)! ;) **Extremely **slight Ten/Rose, but it's fake, so whatever. Enjoy!

* * *

'He...he...he can't be...' Rose whispered, shivering.

Her boss was smiling, but she turned to look at him and the smile quickly disappeared. 'Oh, Rose...' he said, as if in great sorrow. 'I am so sorry. But he is. And when he finds you...I suppose you can only expect the worst. I am _truly _sorry.'

Rose stared at the screen, dumbfounded. 'How could he, though?'

'Oh, his master is very influential. And it's like with those street gangs - if you leave, they will make you pay. Or in his case, kill you.' Rose looked terrified as the words escaped his mouth, which frustrated him somewhat. 'Rose, how can you still be worried about him? Now that you know what he does?'

Rose took in a deep breath. 'You're right.' she said.

**-o0o-**

'You got the phone working yet?' Jack wanted to know, bored of reading the trashy magazines that he had found in Rose's room.

'Working?' the Doctor asked, confused.

'Uh, yeah. I mean, you were using your sonic screwdriver on it a minute a go, looking all..._technical _about it.'

The Doctor put his sonic screwdriver back in his pocket, a puzzled frown on his face. 'It wasn't broken.' Then he turned around and shouted, 'RUSSEL?'

'Yes, what?' Russel T Davies had appeared out of nowhere, it seemed, and didn't look too happy about it.

'Why do you always make me look like I'm fixing things?'

'Well, because...I just find that that's your Doctor's character, David. I mean, Doctor! That's you, I mean, that's, um, _your _character.' he added hastily.

'Oh, right. So...can I use the phone now?'

'Yes, course you can. I mean, it's just a prop, but...yes! Yes.' Russel quickly said as the Doctor's expression turned into one of sheer and utter bewilderment. 'I'd better be off now, eh? Got a meeting to attend...' And with that, he disappeared into a strange patch of time vortex that had just appeared.

'Why does he always call me David?' the Doctor thought aloud.

'I dunno, Doc, he calls me John. It's just plain stupid.' Jack replied, and the Doctor nodded.

'ANYWAY!' the Doctor loudly announced. 'Let's see where Rose has got to!'

'Ooh, maybe she has another lover!' Jack said, wiggling his eyebrows, but stopped abruptly when the Doctor gave him a look that said 'Carry on with that and I will personally put you to death by banana. And it will not be pretty.' And, Jack reasoned, if he was going to get murdered by the Doctor, he would at least like it done in style.

**-o0o-**

As she spoke the words, her phone rang. Her boss was annoyed at this. 'I thought I _told _you not to bring any form of communication!'

'Yeah, but-oh yeah, hello?' Rose grinned as she heard the Doctor's voice, but then felt stupid.

'Rose!' the Doctor called down the phone gleefully. 'You're alright!'

'Er, yeah.'

'Where are you?'

'Oh, I'm, just...you know. At a friend's place.'

'What are you doing there? And-' the Doctor continued to speak before Rose could reply. '-you know, if you'd have wanted to go home you could've just asked, I...well, it's not to say I wouldn't have minded, but-'

'Yeah, no, I know. I just...' Rose searched for an excuse. 'I just thought it would be easier this way, because I didn't think I'd be able to ask you.' It was true enough - when the Doctor looked sad, it made the atmosphere very tense and uneasy and...well, sad. And she liked to think that the Doctor would've looked sad if she'd have asked to go home. Not that that was where she was, of course.

She heard Jack hiss something at the Doctor which sounded vaguely like 'Anna', and for a moment Rose was shocked - Jack was straight? But she quickly dismissed the thought as the Doctor said,

'Rose. Why did you take my lucky banana?' He sounded intrigued, but Rose knew that he was simply putting this on so as not to draw attention to the fact that it hurt him just the slightest bit. And the fact that he most probably missed the damned thing.

'Oh, yeah, that...' Rose tried to sound light and cheery, so the Doctor knew that she hadn't done this to hurt him. 'I just...wanted a piece of you with me, I suppose.'

The Doctor was sure that if manic, angular grins were audible, his would have boomed down the phone line and probably destroyed half of it as it travelled. However, he collected himself and sniffed, and put on a casual tone, ignoring the nudges from Jack. 'Right, so...do you want us to come and get you?'

Rose breathed in sharply and looked at her boss frantically. He mouthed 'No,' at her, and then whispered, 'No, you'll be coming in a minute.'

'No, er...I'll be coming in a minute. Just got some...stuff to sort out, you know?'

The Doctor's voice was jubilant. 'Okay! See you later.' He hung up.

Rose eyed her boss suspiciously. 'What?' he asked, putting on an innocent expression.

Rose's cool, mistrustful response was, 'You know, the Doctor doesn't really strike me as the sort of guy who would follow Lord Voldemort.'

* * *

**A/N: **Just so you know this is NOT a crossover fic. Erm. Yeeeeahh... Oh yeah! LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS THAT FAVOURITED ME &/OR MY STUFF! THANK YOU SO MUCH! :D :D :D Here, you can all have a cyber-banana and a chibi!DWcharacter on the house. ^^


	4. Jinx! Totem Poles!

**A/N: **Thank you, thank you, and thrice thank you to MentalMeander for the review, it made my day! :D Also, thank you to everyone who has Favourited etcetera, you have all made me smile. :) Here, have a cyber-banana, on the house!

Sorry for the time that it has taken for me to update, but I'm not really allowed on the computer Mon-Thurs, so...yeeeaah. Sorry. God, I hope people actually care about this, writing an apology would be pointless, otherwise. ANYway, on with the show!

* * *

Jack waited a moment before speaking. 'So Doctor,' he said slowly. 'We have, uh, a little time before Rose gets back...'  
The Doctor's eyes were on the ceiling, the goofy smile still on his face as he replied in slight confusion, 'What?'  
'Well...' Jack began, clearing his throat. 'You, me, big ol' TARDIS...I mean, it's not ideal, and we could get lost, but...I'm assuming that you know your way around.' This last was said rather suggestively.  
The Doctors smile faltered, and he turned to look at Jack with a vaguely shocked expression. 'Are you implying what I think you're implying?'  
Jack nodded, determined. 'Let's do it.' He grabbed the Doctors arm, but he pulled free and gave Jack a stern look, grimacing. 'No, Jack, just...no. No.'  
Jack nodded again and sat back down. They both remained still, silent, the only sound coming from the TARDIS engines, and waited for Rose to return.

And they waited. And waited. And then, for good measure, they waited some more. The Doctor suddenly got up, frustrated, and began to pace around the room. Jack looked at him. 'You sure you don't wanna-'  
'Yes Jack!' was his annoyed reply, and then, with a more warm tone to his voice, he said, 'I'm going to pick her up. I don't care what she says.'  
'But we don't know where she is.'  
'The TARDIS has given me co-ordinates using data from the phone call we made. We'll be fine!' He pulled a lever down and grinned.  
'Well, that's a good twist on the plot line...' Jack muttered sarcastically as they set off.

-o0o-

Rose couldn't believe this. She had told the Doctor to stay put, but he evidently had got bored of not going anywhere, and her boss' radar had picked the TARDIS up when he had taken off. And now she was paying for it!  
'For the last time, it wasn't my fault!' she said angrily as ropes were tightened around her.  
'Look, it's not about who caused it to happen, it's about making sure that I keep the banana. And right now, you're the only one I know that will give the Doctor the incentive to let me!'  
'I still don't see why you're tying me to a- what is this?' Rose squirmed.  
'I dunno. A totem pole?'  
'Why do you have a totem pole?'  
'Look, the pictures on the website looked totally different.' He stopped his furious knotting and looked pensive.  
'Really, what were you going for?'  
'Oh, you know, one of those dark rooms where you can't see my face and a black swivel chair. And some sort of fluffy white animal.'  
'Oh, do they supply those these days?'  
'Yeah.' There was a long pause in which both people forgot what had been happening.

And then the TARDIS materialised.  
The Doctor bounded out of the doors, grinning as he saw Rose. Then he froze, and the smile completely disappeared, his expression turning to one of disgust, and horror.

Jack stepped out of the TARDIS, looking around with the air of an interior designer. The room seemed to be built entirely of stone, with giant bright lights in the ceiling, and there was a kind of alcove in the very back of the room that was hidden in complete darkness. Then he too caught sight of Rose, and her boss, and grabbed his gun. 'Jack,' the Doctor warned (for the second time that day), and stepped forward determinedly, his face showing no sign of fear.

Rose's boss jumped off of the platform he had been standing on. 'Doctor,' he hissed, a dark smile spreading over his face.

'Master.' The Doctor said.

Jack's jaw dropped as he witnessed the scene. 'Oh my God,' he said.  
'Not now, Jack,' the Doctor said, not looking away from the Master's face. 'We're having a dramatic moment.'

'No, but Doc!' he said louder, pointing to a spot behind Rose that had, until recently, been covered by shadows. Rose turned round to see, and her eyes widened in surprise. 'Doctor!'

'Not now!' the Doctor and the Master said in unison, and the Doctor was immediately distracted as the Master cried, 'Haha, jinx!' He pointed at the Doctor and laughed, and the Doctor groaned in annoyance, pressing his lips together.

'Doctor!' Rose shouted. The Doctor looked at her hopefully, holding up two fingers.  
'Doctor, there is no time for this!' Jack said, and the Doctor nodded at him feverishly.  
'DOCTOR!' Rose and Jack screamed, and the Doctor gasped in relief as he was freed from the jinx. 'What is it, what's going on?' he asked.  
'Over there,' Rose said shakily. 'It s-it s-'

'GRAHAM NORTON?', everyone cried, aghast. And the sound of a despairing moan filled the air.

* * *

**A/N: **Yes, reviews like yours do inspire me that much, MentalMeander. :) GRR, for some reason this website removed all of the apostrophes from the document! ARGH! So, sorry if my punctuation is bad on this chapter, but it really...flummoxed me. Grr.


	5. Explanations and other goings on

**A/N: **Massive thank you to KittyKatZorse for the review, you cannot believe how happy I am that I am _entertaining _people with this rubbish! A cyber-banana is coming your way! :D I actually have NO idea what is going on with the plotline for this chapter, hopefully chapter 6 will be less...packed. Oh, I dunno. Enjoy! (fingers-crossed)

* * *

Tied to a stone chair in the alcove at the back of the room was a very dishevelled looking Graham Norton. He was shaking uncontrollably, and his eyes were wide with terror.

'David?' he screamed hoarsely as he writhed in his bonds. 'David, help me! Please!'

'_Why_ are you calling me David?' the Doctor questioned.

Graham looked slightly distracted. 'Because that's your name. Isn't it?'

The Master's dark laugh filled the air. 'I think you'll find that his name is _Barty_, actually.' Rose gasped in remembrance and then glared at the Doctor icily.

'Barty?' the Doctor repeated, bewildered.

'YOU MURDERER! YOU...you TRAITOR!' Rose cried at him.

'What?'

'Oh, don't pretend that you don't know.' the Master said, sighing.

'But I don't know!' the Doctor shouted. 'What _are _you talking about?'

'Jack,' the Master said. 'Will you press that little play button? It's over there by that giant, inconspicuous red button.'

Jack narrowed his eyes. 'Never.'

The Master got out his laser screwdriver. 'I can kill you, Jack.'

'But I'll come back.'

The Master paused for a moment, looking slightly annoyed. 'I can still kill you.' he offered, a little less confidently than before.

'Oh, for heaven's sake!' the Doctor said, exasperated, running over and slamming his fist on to the play button.

And, on the giant screen on the wall at the front of the room, there played a shocking video.

Clips of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

'That is _not _me!' the Doctor cried indignantly, as the skinny figure of Barty Crouch Junior growled, '_I'll_ _be welcomed back like a hero!'_

'Looks an awful lot like ya.' Rose remarked, looking the Doctor up and down coldly.

'Yeah, but...would you see me swanning around in a leather jacket?'

'Your last incarnation did.'

The Doctor faltered. 'But...but come _on_, Rose, do you honestly think that I would follow Voldemort? I mean, he's not even _real _for Christ's sake!'

'He isn't?' Rose and the Master murmured.

'Of course not!'

'LOOK!' Graham shouted over the argument. 'John, David, Billie, could you _please _just get me out of this chair?'

Everyone frowned. 'Who are they?'

Graham rolled his eyes. 'Okay. Rose, Jack, Doctor, HELP ME!'

The Doctor and Jack darted towards him and quickly started untying his bonds - but then the Master bellowed, 'NO!' and shot wildly at them all, spare Rose. 'HE WILL _NOT_ BE FREED!'

Jack collapsed, hit by one of the flying laser beams, the Doctor ducking as one soared dangerously close to his wild hair.

'STOP!' Rose pleaded, and the firing and screaming ceased. The Doctor popped his head up from behind the chair that still had Graham bound to it, and Jack let out a shuddering, hoarse breath as he came back to life. '_Why_,' Rose asked, 'have you captured Graham Norton?'

The Master glared at said captive and sighed dramatically. 'It all started in 2008 -'

'It _is _2008.' Rose piped up.

The Master continued, ignoring her. '-I was heading up to the auditions for _**I'd Do Anything**_-'

'Sorry to interrupt,' the Doctor said, an amused smile playing on his lips, 'but...aren't you a little old to be playing Oliver?'

'Oliver?' the Master said, cocking his eyebrow incredulously. 'I didn't want to play _Oliver_!'

'Then who-' the Doctor started, puzzled, but the confusion quickly passed and his mad grin was back, and he began to laugh.

'What?' Jack asked.

'He-he...he went for the part of _Nancy_!' Rose and Jack's peals of laughter echoed incredibly around the room.

The Master rolled his eyes. '_Almost _went for the part of Nancy. However SOMEONE didn't let me in!' He glared at Graham, who looked scandalised.

'Why are you looking at me? I wasn't the security guard, was I?'

'No, but your boss, Andrew Lloyd Webber-' he went rigid as the music from _**The Phantom of the Opera **_started up, '-had obviously got something to do with it. And so, I figured, what if I make sure that the show can't run? If they won't let _me _in, they won't let anyone in as far as I'm concerned.' The Master clapped his hands together. 'So you see? My brilliant plan worked!'

The Doctor looked like he was trying to suppress laughter, as he said, smirking, 'You kidnapped Graham Norton.'

'Yes.'

'So that _**I'd Do Anything **_can't be shown.'

'Yes. Didn't I just tell you that?'

'But don't you see, Master? They will have just got another presenter to fill in whilst they look for poor old Graham, here. _**I'd Do Anything **_can still be shown!'

The Master paused in concentration, and then muttered, 'Dammit. Should I have kidnapped Andrew instead?'

'If anyone, you should have kidnapped all of the budding Nancys. But it's too late for that now. ANYWAY!' the Doctor suddenly crowed, jumping up and bouncing on the balls of his feet. 'More important issues are at hand.' He stared at the Master gravely. 'Give me back my banana.'

The Master laughed. 'Oh, I have been _waiting _for this part! NOW things will start to get interesting!'

'The banana, please, Master.'

'Don't have it.' the Master said carelessly, pretending to brush dust from his suit.

'MASTER!'

'Ooh, I love it when you use my name!'

'Listen, give me back the banana now, or I swear I will force it from you!'

'That's a bit violent, isn't it? I thought this incarnation hated all of that stuff?'

'I didn't say anything about violence.' The Doctor was clearly very angry, his words now coming out as low, harsh murmurs.

And then Jack fired his gun.

* * *

**A/N: **Yay, crappy cliffhanger! I got so involved with all of my explanations I almost forgot about the banana! O.o


	6. The Big Red Button

**A/N: **FINALLY! I'VE UPDATED! I am actually so sorry that this took so long, and am also sorry for how rubbish this chapter is. No joke, this may be the worst ever chapter I have ever written. But I lacked severely in inspiration and ideas. I may have to edit at some point. But please hold on guys, I will try to make chapter 7 ten times better! Plus, another apology is owed for the random Doctor-y bit in this chapter. Sorry, but I missed his hyper side, so...in he went for a solo performance.

On a more positive note, THANK YOU SO SO MUCH to MentalMeander and KittyKatZorse, my awesome reviewer-type-people. I know you two have only reviewed twice, but you still made my day! You do not KNOW how happy I am to think that people are actually _enjoying _this rubbish! :D Anyway, reading on...

* * *

The Master doubled over as the bullet glanced off of his shoulder.

'JACK!' the Doctor shouted. 'How many _times _do I have to tell you? No guns!'

'Oh, so this is how it is, is it?' Graham suddenly muttered. 'The Doctor doesn't actually care about saving lives, he cares about bananas and the use of guns. I may aswell have-'

'Erm, excuse me? Wounded here!' the Master cried hoarsely.

'Oi!' Rose shouted. 'Just in case you lot didn't notice, I'm tied up! To a totem pole! A little help would be nice.'

'Bullet. Wound!'

'Okay, so no one's bothered to check up on the guy that can't die! Thanks very much!' Jack called. 'Just because I'm, like, immortal, doesn't mean you can just-

'ALRIGHT!' the Doctor screamed over the commotion. 'Jack, you untie Rose. Rose, you check if Jack's alright. I'll see to the Master and Graham, and then...the Master can give me back my banana.' Everyone sighed and got to work, Jack muttering, 'What is this, Scooby Doo?'

Minutes later, and Graham had been released (although with much protest from his captor), Rose was freed from her bonds, and the Master's bullet wound had been bandaged. Oh, and Jack was good, too.

'Now Master,' the Doctor murmured. 'Where is my banana and what are you planning on doing with it?'

The Master paused, as if in thought, before replying. 'It's in my super-secret lab.'

'Right, and...what's it doing in there?' The Doctor had his confused face on.

'I am creating a weapon, Doctor! A weapon so powerful that you will not be able to stop me! No, not _this _time!'

'Where's your lab?' Jack asked.

The Master pinched the bridge of his nose. 'You actually think I'm going to tell you?'

'Ooooh!' the Doctor cried. 'Would it's whereabouts have something to do with that giant, inconspicuous red button?' The Doctor pointed somewhat childishly at the red button on the wall.

'No.'

'So that's a yes.' the Doctor said, grinning.

'No, that's a no. Why else would I have said no?'

'Because you're a super villain. You're supposed to lie about all of the important bits of your plan.'

'Am I?'

'Yes. So...ALLONS-Y!' The Doctor whacked the red button triumphantly.

**-o0o-**

_The Doctor has temporarily taken over the writing of this chapter. Any writings after this warning, unless otherwise stated, are not of human standards and may be slightly bonkers._

Hello there! Now, you probably all think that the red button either a) opens the door to the lab, or 2)... no, wait a minute, b) destroys the whole ship. And maybe it does, maybe it doesn't, I dunno. I'm not the author of this madness - if I was, my lucky banana would not have had to undergo all of this torment. Anyway, I am writing here to tell you all that I am NOT a follower of Lord Voldemort (who doesn't actually exist. Although that would be fun. How brilliant would it be if you got to meet Lord Voldemort? I mean, it would possibly be a _bit _scary, thinking about it...and then you'd probably have to meet Harry aswell, wouldn't you? Anyway, I'm rambling. Brackets. They change people). And Graham Norton is safe and sound, and will be returning to your tellies pretty soon. Now, where were we?

_The Doctor has left the keyboard and it's surrounding area. Hopefully he won't come back._

**-o0o-**

The entire wall flipped over to reveal a complex-looking machine, full of entangled wires and other seemingly random objects. These were connected to cylindrical containers full of brightly coloured liquids that were bubbling slightly. And, hooked up to all of this, was the banana. The room was lit with a bright, golden light as it came into view.

'Aha...' the Master murmured. 'My creation.'

The Doctor was trying to look unimpressed, Rose could tell, but nothing could hide the 'woah' expression on his face. He stared up in awe, and said, 'It's not much of a lab, is it?'

'What do you mean?'

'It's a wall. With a big machine attatched to it.'

'Oh! No, stupid, this isn't the _lab_! This is just the technology I have created to prepare the banana for going _into_ the lab.'

'What are you doing with that, then?'

'I thought I told you.' the Master sighed exasperatedly. 'I'm creating a weapon out of your banana. It's taking time, but-' the Master frowned. 'Why am I telling you this?'

'Because that's what super villains always do. Hide their plans 'till the very end. And then they explain it all and the dashing hero saves the day.'

'That's the second time you've called me a super villain, Doctor. Anyone would think that you were being nice to me.'

The Doctor glared momentarily, but then composed himself and said, 'So. Any chance of me getting the banana back?'

'No.'

'Didn't think so.'

* * *

**A/N: **Wheee, how utterly crap was that chapter? Although now I may just have to write soemthing about the Doctor meeting Voldemort. Now, believe me, I will try to get hyper and make my chapters as mad and bizzare as they once were... *looks off into the distance wistfully* CYBER-BANANAS FOR ANYONE THAT REVIEWS! :D Or favourites. Or adds to their story alerts, etcetera...


	7. Please Vacate the Area

**A/N: **Oh my goodness. I think that this may well be the penultimate chapter of this utter madness. :O Rose has quite a bit more to say in this chapter, purely because I feel that she has been pretty quiet in previous ones and it all just fit. FINALLY, my command over the English language has returned! :D I'm happy with this chapter, and I hope you lot are too. If you are, you could always, oh, I dunno, drop me a casual review...I mean, whatever you wanna do... ;)

* * *

Jack pulled out his gun and fired wildly at the wall.

'JACK HARKNESS!' the Master shouted. 'For Christ's _sake_, you're even getting on my nerves now!'

'Yeesh, sorry!' Jack said, holding his hands up.

'Why were you shooting at it anyway?'

'Well, you weren't gonna give back the banana, so...yeah. I tried to destroy your scientific stuff.'

'And has your ingenious plan worked?' the Master said, indicating at the wall incredulously, which had hardly been damaged at all. 'No it hasn't! So very nearly indestructible, that thing, I made sure of it when I-'

The Master broke off as the sound of an alarm filled the room, and a computerized voice said blankly, 'Self-destruct sequence initiated. Please vacate the area.'

'Oh, who was the idiot that set _that _off?' he said, casting his eyes upwards.

Jack and Rose looked at eachother. 'The Doctor.'

'Hey, where's he gone?' Rose queried to no one in particular, looking around, confused.

'More importantly,' said the Master. 'Where's the banana gone?'

'Er, guys?' Jack said. 'Hate to worry you or anything, but we've kinda got a lair that's about to blow up on our hands here.' And with that, they all ran.

**-o0o-**

The Doctor raced down seemingly endless amounts of corridors, clutching the banana as if it held the meaning of life. He activated any and all alarms he could, despite the fact that the resulting noise was rather irritating.

'Fire alarm activated. Please vacate the area using the nearest fire exit.'

He hadn't actually been thinking when he had smacked his hand down on to the self-destruct button, hadn't even read the warnings, but he knew that Rose, Jack and the Master would find a way out. And anyway, the running was the best part of the adventure, wasn't it?

Suddenly, he rushed straight into someone.

'Doctor?' Rose cried.

'Rose?'

'Come _on_, let's get outta here!' Jack whined.

And they all made a mad dash for the fire exit , when...

'Oh no.' the Doctor whispered.

'What, Doctor, what is it?'

'I've left the TARDIS upstairs.'

**-o0o-**

The Master rolled his eyes. 'You pillock.'

'OI.' the Doctor warned.

'Well...what do we do?' Rose asked worriedly. 'I mean, only you can fly the TARDIS, so...what's gonna happen? You aren't going back up there, surely.' The Master looked slightly offended by Rose's statement, and was about to start arguing that he too could fly a TARDIS, when Jack spoke up.

'Hey guys, immortal dude on the scene!' Jack said with a cheesey wave. 'Blow me up, whatever. I'll go back up there.'

'Yeah, immortal you may be, Jack, but can you fly a TARDIS?'

Jack paused, in thought. 'Well...instructions?'

'Eh?' the Master and Rose said, frowning.

'Give me basic instructions on how to get this thing outta here.'

'But what'll _we_ do?' Rose wanted to know, indicating towards the rest of the group.

'Yeah,' the Master agreed. 'How are we going to get back to it? We don't know where you're going to land. And even if we _do _know, the place it does land will be about a thousand miles from here. I made sure that this place would be really difficult to get to, therefore it is most probably extremely difficult to find your way home from. It is a secret lair after all...'

'Then how did Rose get here?' the Doctor questioned.

'Teleport.'

'Ah.'

Suddenly, the computerized voice started up again. 'Self-destruct in sixty seconds. Counting down.'

'Oh, that's not fair!' the Doctor moaned as they dashed back up towards the TARDIS.

**-o0o-**

Once they were back upstairs, they all made a mad sprint for the blue box and waited for the Doctor to open the doors. Hastily patting at his pockets, the Doctor hopped from foot to foot anxiously as he tried to locate his key.

'Come on, Doctor, where's your key?' Jack said nervously.

'Oh, God, don't say I left it in my other suit...'

'You only have two?' the Master asked, eyebrows raised.

'Sonic screwdriver, then.' Rose said, trying to feign nonchalance.

'Must be in there too...'

'For the love of Gallifrey, Doctor, do you ever even stop and think for just a second, 'hey, wait, I might actually be making a big mistake here, leaving my key and my sonic screwdriver _inside the TARDIS_?' Because it might do you some good!' the Master groaned irritatedly.

'Twenty seconds until self-destruct.' the computerized voice piped up. 'Nineteen, eighteen...'

'Think, Doctor,' Rose said, staring at him earnestly. 'Is there anything else we could use to get in?'

'Erm..' the Doctor clicked his fingers at the TARDIS hopefully. When it's engines made the familiar sound but didn't move, the Doctor cried out in frustration. 'Dammit, girl, let me in!' And then he murmured to himself, 'I have to learn how to do that some day...'

'DOCTOR!' everyone screamed as the count down reached ten seconds until self-destruct.

The Doctor suddenly looked at the banana he was holding. It was still glowing radiantly, and he suddenly felt like he had a lightning bolt in his grip.

'Doctor,' Rose said in a low voice. 'What. Are we going to do?'

* * *

**A/N: **Ooh, tension! :D What do you think they're going to do, readers? Escape? Get blown up? Become gods? Let me know what you think... ;) Love you all! (No idea why I said that. But whatever.)


	8. Finishing Up

**A/N: **Oh my goodness. This is it, guys. The final chapter of the chaos that is _The Ultimate Betrayal_. This chapter is pretty short, but I hope you enjoy this nonetheless. A sequel or some sort of related fic may be written later, I'm not too sure yet. Anyways, hope you enjoy this and consider it a satisfactory ending! :) Fingers crossed!

* * *

The TARDIS materialised into existence outside of the Powell Estate, the Doctor, the Master, Rose and Jack clambered out.

'We...we made it,' Jack said quietly. 'We're alive!' Rose and Jack laughed in relief, and the Master blew out a long breath. The Doctor grinned.

'But how did we get in the TARDIS?' Jack asked. 'I remember everything until Rose asked what we were gonna do, and then there was this big, white light...and now we're here!'

'Yeah,' said Rose. 'I don't remember how we got into the TARDIS at all...'

'Hey, maybe we _did _die!' the Master said in false happiness. 'Wait...no, that wouldn't make sense...' he added as an afterthought.

'Oh, how we got in was _brilliant_!' the Doctor crowed joyously. 'I remember it well...'

**:: FLASHBACK ::**

_The Doctor suddenly looked at the banana he was holding. It was still glowing radiantly, and he suddenly felt like he had a lightning bolt in his grip._

_'Doctor,' Rose said in a low voice. 'What. Are we going to do?'_

_He continued to stare at the banana as the computerized voice started counting down from ten. Then, he held it out in front of him -_

_-and the room was filled with a bright light, and the TARDIS doors flew open. The Doctor, squinting so he could see, grabbed everyone and pushed them into the TARDIS, and started up the engines._

_'Five.'_

_The TARDIS was almost ready to depart now, just a few more buttons to press, a few more levers to pull..._

_'Four.'_

_'Come __**on**__, Doctor!' Rose pleaded._

_'Three.'_

_The grinding noise of the TARDIS engines filled the air._

_'Two..._

_...One.'_

**:: END FLASHBACK ::**

'So...,' Rose queried. 'You opened the doors with...the _banana_?'

'Yup!' the Doctor seemed very proud of himself. 'Told you it was special, Jack.'

'Why don't we remember?' the Master asked.

'You lot all passed out, I think, got knocked out by all of the explosions.'

'Why didn't that happen to you?'

The Doctor shrugged. 'God knows. I'm just lucky like that most of the time.'

'Hey! Who's that guy?' Jack said in surprise, pointing at something behind the Doctor. Everybody turned to see a tall, bony figure in a hooded black cloak. The hood fell over half of his face.

The figure slowly pointed at the Doctor. 'David Tennant...' he growled.

'WHO in the HELL of it IS that man?' the Doctor screamed. 'And WHY does everyone think that I'm him?'

The figure kept his arm outstretched. 'Okay then, "Doctor"...' the figure hissed. 'You have dishonoured my good name, discredited my power, and, most importantly, denied my very existence on this godforsaken planet. For this, you must die!' The figure removed the hood from his face.

The Doctor breathed in sharply. 'It can't be...' he whispered in terror.

'I, LORD VOLDEMORT, SHALL PROVE MY PRESENCE HERE!' Voldemort shrieked. 'AVADA KEDAVRA!'

'Run!' the Doctor breathed, grabbing Rose's hand, and run they did.

* * *

**A/N: **Hey guys! Just 'cause it's over, doesn't mean that you can't still drop me a friendly review! Anything is welcome! :) Seriously hope you enjoyed this. Cyber-bananas go to people who have favourited, added to story-alerts, etcetera etcetera... Can't list your usernames, but you know who you are. Enjoy the cyber-munchies! ;) Love from tirocno ^^


	9. Epilogue

**A/N: **WARNING! Contains a _tiiiiiiiny _spoiler for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, heheheh... ;) Thank you SO so much to MentalMeander, Awaris, and starlight564 for the lovely reviews, I'm so happy at how people have enjoyed my writing. It's reviews that keep me writing - and in this case, Awaris, that make me think, 'Crap! I forgot to explain stuff!' :)

* * *

And so it came to be that our friends (and our enemy?) escaped the clutches of Lord Voldemort…

…and ended up in McDonald's.

The Doctor sighed in relief, getting up from behind a chair. 'That was lucky…'

Rose, Jack and the Master rose from their crouching positions under tables and behind chairs, all blowing out long breaths.

'I do feel a bit bad for Harry, though,' Rose said, sounding guilty. 'I mean, we've probably made You-Know-Who even more driven to kill him now, and-'

'Rose!' the Doctor interrupted sharply. 'Whatever happens to Harry, it's a fixed point in time and space.' He paused, thinking. 'That boy's whole _life _is a fixed point in time and space.'

Rose looked down sadly, sighing.

'And anyway,' the Doctor said, more gently, elbowing her. 'I've read book seven. And Harry ends up fine.' Rose smiled at him gratefully.

'Well!' the Master suddenly announced. 'I'd better be off, got some work to do…' He began to stride off, but was stopped by his fellow Time Lord grabbing his jacket.

'You're not going anywhere! I still need explanations!' Jack nodded in agreement.

-o0o-

The Doctor eyed the Master suspiciously, munching on a chip. 'So!' he cried, leaning forward. 'What were you going to do with that banana of mine, hmm?'

'What do you think I was trying to do with it?'

The Doctor shrugged nonchalantly, feigning innocence.

'What I do every night, Pinky, try to take over the world!' the Master said loudly, and then he added fondly, 'I love that show…'

The Doctor nodded, looking understanding.

'What _I _wanna know is,' Jack shouted, 'is why Rose decided to help you in the first place!'

Everybody turned to look at Rose, the Doctor gazing at her expectantly. 'Well?'

'Look, he said he was from UNIT, and that they needed it to do experiments on, to gather information. And then, when I got there, he said that they were going to use it to create a device that could defeat any alien threats _and _repair any wounds in time in the process. So I still trusted him. That was just before he showed me the Harry Potter stuff. Then you turned up, he tied me to a totem pole, and...' Rose gestured to the space around her.

'I see,' the Doctor said. 'Didn't it strike you a bit odd, though, getting contacted by random people claiming to be from UNIT?'

'Well...yeah, I suppose, but I just thought that, you know, they knew me 'cause I know you, and so...'

There was an uncomfortable silence.

'Can I, um, go now?' asked the Master awkwardly.

'Yeah, you're fine, go!' the Doctor said, getting odd looks from Rose and Jack. He caught them looking, and then realised what he had done and slapped himself on the forehead. 'Oh, for Christ's sake...'

Rose laughed. 'Something always goes wrong, doesn't it?'

'Yep...' the Doctor said with a tired smile.

'I can't believe that Voldemort exists!' Jack exclaimed. 'I mean, just...woah!'

'Yeah!' Rose cried. 'I mean, where do all the wizards _live_? Is there like, a paralell world or something where all of the stuff in the books _happen_? 'Cause that would just be amazing!'

They looked at the Doctor, waiting for an answer.

'I have no idea where they live!' the Doctor proclaimed. 'We'll have to find out some day!'

'Okay,' Jack agreed. 'Just as long as they get our names right.' They all grinned.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry if this is a bit rubbish, but the story is officially OVER now, so you can escape back to your happy, normal(ish) lives. :) Will be writing soon, and hopefully I will post. And this time, I'm writing something SERIOUS. O.o


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